Turf Irritations

Turf zone – BurnbraePoint

Turfing is a wonderful activity full of the joy of being outdoors, taking zones, collecting points, being awarded medals and generally having a jolly good time. However, since I started turfing late 2020, I’ve noticed, both from personal experience and also talking to other turfers, that there are sometimes a few rather annoying irritations. Thought I put them all down on paper. See how many you’ve encountered.

  1. Commitments such as work, getting in the way of turfing.
  2. Loosing hard-won zones to other turfers.
  3. Zone count not rising due to loosing zones to other turfers.
  4. Poor GPS signal and/or mobile phone signal.
  5. Having to reboot phone to solve signal issues.
  6. Turfers switching GPS off between zones to save battery.
  7. Mobile phone battery not lasting long enough.
  8. Forgetting to charge your phone battery the day before.
  9. People who ask directions while smoking a cigarette.
  10. Having intended zones blocked by other turfers.
  11. Loosing or forgetting your battery pack connection cable.
  12. Walkers who don’t understand the term “shared” path.
  13. Turfers who ignore you when you’ve stopped to say hello.
  14. Returning home because you aren’t sure you locked the door.
  15. Using up all the monthly data in your mobile data package.
  16. Smug fat idiots on electric bikes deliberately blocking you.
  17. When the loss of connectivity icon starts flashing on the app.
  18. Bicycle problems when you don’t have the right tools with you.
  19. Forgetting to take lights and having to return home before dark.
  20. Trying to change gear on a kick scooter without any gears.
  21. A law that states you cannot ride a bicycle on the pavement.
  22. Your turfman cannot have a tail and ninja sword at same time.
  23. Too many other turfers in the same area at the same time.
  24. Tree roots breaking up the tarmac surface on cycle paths.
  25. Misreading the tide tables when going to zones at the coast.
  26. Dropping your mobile phone and cracking the screen.
  27. Riding over a pothole because you’re not paying attention.
  28. Not enough zones to take in your local area.
  29. Getting tans lines matching your bicycle helmet straps.
  30. Lack of enough free time to go out turfing.
  31. Being left with a single zone after other turfers take all the rest.
  32. Turfers who seem to be able to turf all the time.
  33. Dog walkers who let their muddy paw’s dog jump on you.
  34. Weather getting in the way of turfing e.g. black ice and heavy snow.
  35. Dog walkers who don’t keep their dogs under control.
  36. Failing to see a fresh dog turd in time to avoid cycling over it.
  37. Isolated single zones in the middle of no-where.
  38. That annoying rattle or squeak your bicycle develops.
  39. Always having cold toes and fingers when cycling in winter.
  40. Difficulty viewing mobile phone screen in bright sunlight.
  41. Not taking care when parking your bicycle and it falls over.
  42. Zones that you cannot take because they are closed or locked.
  43. Cycling to another area without any zones to take on the way.
  44. Not realising you’ve missed taking a zone until you’re back home.
  45. Forgetting to charge your bicycle lights the day before.
  46. Brain-dead teenagers riding electric scooters on the public road.
  47. Getting up early to go turfing but find your bicycle has a flat tyre.
  48. Pedestrians who cannot hear your bell due to listening to music.
  49. So much mud on your bike that the wheels stop revolving.
  50. Thinking you’ve found a shortcut but it’s actually a dead end.
  51. Ripping your shins to shreds on hidden bramble branches.
  52. Finding yourself desperate for a pee but no-where to go.
  53. Forgetting to re-fill, or even bring, your water bottle.
  54. People picnicking, sunbathing or just gathering in the middle of a zone.
  55. Walking couples who feel the need to block the entire bicycle lane.
  56. Turfers changing their turf name to confuse everyone.

Many thanks to Oskar Järnström and many other nameless turfers for sending in their turfing irritations. If you can think of any more turfing irritations, please use the Contact form to send them in and I’ll include them here.

Copyright ©2021 Gary Buckham. All rights reserved.

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