Turf Irritations

Turf zone – BurnbraePoint

Turfing is a wonderful activity full of the joy of being outdoors, taking zones, collecting points, being awarded medals and generally having a jolly good time. However, since I started turfing late 2020, I’ve noticed, both from personal experience and also talking to other turfers, that there are sometimes a few rather annoying irritations. Thought I put them all down on paper. See how many you’ve encountered.

  1. Commitments such as work, getting in the way of turfing.
  2. Loosing hard-won zones to other turfers.
  3. Zone count not rising due to loosing zones to other turfers.
  4. Poor GPS signal and/or mobile phone signal.
  5. Having to reboot your phone to solve signal issues.
  6. Turfers switching GPS off between zones to save battery.
  7. Mobile phone battery not lasting long enough.
  8. Forgetting to charge your phone battery the day before.
  9. People who ask directions while smoking a cigarette.
  10. Having intended zones blocked by other turfers.
  11. Loosing or forgetting your battery pack connection cable.
  12. Walkers who don’t understand the term “shared” path.
  13. Turfers who ignore you when you’ve stopped to say hello.
  14. Forgetting to dry off your wet clothing when you get home.
  15. Returning home because you aren’t sure you locked the door.
  16. Using up all the monthly data in your mobile data package.
  17. Smug fat idiots on electric bikes deliberately blocking you.
  18. When the loss of connectivity icon starts flashing on the app.
  19. Bicycle problems when you don’t have the right tools with you.
  20. Forgetting to take lights and having to return home before dark.
  21. Turfers switching GPS off between zones to annoy you.
  22. Trying to change gear on a kick scooter without any gears.
  23. A law that states you cannot ride a bicycle on the pavement.
  24. Your turfman cannot have a tail and ninja sword at same time.
  25. Too many other turfers in the same area at the same time.
  26. Thunderstorms, tornadoes, tidal waves and earthquakes.
  27. Tree roots breaking up the tarmac surface on cycle paths.
  28. Misreading the tide tables when going to zones at the coast.
  29. Dropping your mobile phone and cracking the screen.
  30. Riding over a pothole because you’re not paying attention.
  31. Not having enough zones to take in your local area.
  32. People who try to fill your free time after you retire.
  33. Getting tans lines matching your bicycle helmet straps.
  34. Lack of enough free time to go out turfing.
  35. Being left with a single zone after other turfers take all the rest.
  36. Turfers who seem to be able to turf all the time.
  37. Dog walkers who let their muddy paw’s dog jump on you.
  38. Weather getting in the way of turfing e.g. black ice and heavy snow.
  39. Dog walkers who don’t keep their dogs under control.
  40. Failing to see a fresh dog turd in time to avoid cycling over it.
  41. Isolated single zones in the middle of no-where.
  42. That annoying rattle or squeak your bicycle develops.
  43. Always having cold toes and fingers when cycling in winter.
  44. Difficulty viewing mobile phone screen in bright sunlight.
  45. Not taking care when parking your bicycle and it falls over.
  46. Zones that you cannot take because they are closed or locked.
  47. Cycling to another area without any zones to take on the way.
  48. Not realising you’ve missed taking a zone until you’re back home.
  49. Forgetting to charge your bicycle lights the day before.
  50. Brain-dead teenagers riding electric scooters on the public road.
  51. Getting up early to go turfing but find your bicycle has a flat tyre.
  52. Pedestrians who cannot hear your bell due to listening to music.
  53. So much mud on your bike that the wheels stop revolving.
  54. Thinking you’ve found a shortcut but it’s actually a dead end.
  55. Ripping your shins to shreds on hidden bramble branches.
  56. Finding yourself desperate for a pee but no-where to go.
  57. Stopping to pee and a bunch of elderly walkers suddenly appear.
  58. Not peeing when you had the opportunity and regretting it later.
  59. Forgetting to re-fill, or even bring, your water bottle.
  60. Brainless teenagers smashing glass bottles on cycle paths.
  61. People picnicking, sunbathing or just gathering in the middle of a zone.
  62. Walking couples who feel the need to block the entire bicycle lane.
  63. Turfers changing their turf name to confuse everyone.
  64. Discovering a blood-sucking tick on you when you get back home.
  65. Cyclists who ignore you because you are on the wrong style of bicycle.
  66. Cats that come over all nice and friendly then bite or scratch you.
  67. Drivers who don’t give you enough room while overtaking.
  68. People who deliberately ignore you after you greet them.
  69. Gates, awkward barriers and street furniture on cycle paths.
  70. Cycle lanes that are little more than a thin painted line.
  71. Poor or a lack of signage indicating a cycle path.
  72. Parked vehicles, bus stops and taxi ranks along cycle paths.
  73. Upending your bike with the phone attached to the handlebars.
  74. Reversed tuff names that are difficult to reply too.
  75. Taking all the zones in an area but missing just the one.
  76. Forgetting to take your mobile phone handlebar mount.
  77. People who hear your bicycle bell but refuse to move aside.
  78. Cyclists coming from behind who don’t ring their bell to alert you.
  79. Turf zones hidden behind place names on the turf map.
  80. Your entry here!

Many thanks to Oskar Järnström, Floss and many other helpful turfers who wish to remain incognito for sending in their turfing irritations. If you can think of any more turfing irritations, please use the Contact form to send them in and I’ll include them here. Help me get to 100 irritations!

Copyright ©2021 Gary Buckham. All rights reserved.

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