Turf Blog 12-12-25

Turf Zone – FalkirkWheel

Before you became a turfer, when life was fun and care free, you would most likely have been a perfectly normal common or garden variety of human being. Though what that actually is, is not something I care to define. Then the fabled game of turf comes along and you become a turfer. This will probably change you from a normal human being into something entirely different. A turfer. Homo turfensis.

Once upon a time you might step out the front door, for example, to post a letter in the post box a few minutes’ walk along the street. Once you become a turfer, that 5-minute task now takes an hour or even more. That bus trip into Edinburgh to visit the dentist, a trip that would usually take an hour, well, you find yourself leaving an hour earlier than you need, to grab a few more zones. And you go the long way round on the return trip. When planning a holiday, before turf, you might be looking for places to visit or beaches to get that all-over tan, eateries serving scones and so on. Once you become a turfer your first question is, how many zones are there?

Once you become a turfer you do things that other people simply do not do. Things that, when mentioned to other people, non-turfing people I might add, you are greeted with incredulous looks, blank stares and occasionally suggestions of being taken away my men in white coats to secure accommodation or men in black coats to locations best left unsaid. Then you do things that require considerable effort, like the El Staminatore medal, taking 200 zones within a 24-hour period. And that’s what keeps me busy at the moment.

My plan is to complete five sessions, each taking around 40 zones here on my local patch of Bonnyrigg. The method is simple. I’ve enlisted the help of two other imaginary turfers, MrTrek and MrFarley. Each of them in turn will take the zones and I’ll get an assist. Test sessions have shown the system works well enough after a few minor issues were resolved. So, how are things going?

My first session, starting noon yesterday, brought home 43 takes/assists. First zone failed due to MrTrek not being able to access the server. However, I got the take, rather than an assist, which counts towards the total. I re-took the zone later to get back on track for the following session. Lost three takes due to inattention and nipped across into Eskbank to make up the deficit. My target for each session is at least 40 takes, or more if possible. The second session, starting around 2.00 pm after a lunch break, went without a hitch, bringing my total to 84, almost half way there.

Third session was in the evening and thankfully the winds still lingering after Storm Bran had abated a little making cycling that little bit easier. Still that same issue taking the first zone after uninstalling the app, re-installing the app and logging in as a different turfname. Not too much of an issue as I still get the take. Messed up two zones in Polton but nothing to worry about. I still get the take but would be better with an assist which would allow my other assistant turfer to take the zone while I get the assist. However, with the total now at 127, leaving only 73 takes required, I’ll bag those tomorrow with an early morning session and a final session after breakfast.

This morning, at 5.30am, I tackled the fourth session bringing home 39 takes and increasing the overall tally to 166. That leaves only 34 further takes required and I’ll be able to take those as PlanetGary as I will no longer need to re-take zones again later. It’s nice and quiet this early in the morning, traffic is light but most drivers seem to ignore speed limits and hurtle about regardless of the new 20mph speed limit. Surprised at how many dog walkers were about.

El Staminatore – 200 zones taken in under 24-hours.

Fifth and final session was Dalkeith and Eskbank, for a change of scenery. One hour on the bike and then, at just the back of 10.00 am, that welcome popup stating medal earned El Staminatore. Thank goodness for that. There’s always that little niggle in the back of your mind that something will go wrong. Like assists not actually being allowed. Much relief. Time taken turfing was just under 9 hours and around 40 miles cycled. Legs feel rather tired but in a good way.

Thoughts now turn to the next one, the Staminatrix medal, taking 400 zones within a 24-hour period. Main question I ask myself is, can I actually manage that? If you double up the time taken for starters, note that also means double the mileage as well and it’s a fair challenge indeed. An ebike looks so very, very tempting. When you look at how many people have achieved the Staminatrix, and that’s only 472 out of 454,916 turfers (shown at the foot of the turf web page), that’s 0.1%, you get an idea of how much effort is involved. For comparison, the El Staminatore is only 0.25%. More soon.

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