Turf Zone – Fisherrow
At a recent turf event, it was said that turfing isn’t really fair, that it’s not a level playing field in turf competitions. And yes, I would agree, turf is not a level playing field, not in competitions nor during normal turf sessions either. The game of turf is open to all comers, be they young or old, alien, human or canine, on foot or on a bike, or any other legal means of transport.
Even if, during a turf event, you have separate events for foot turfers and bicycle turfers, even within each group the playing field is not level. In each you have many different ages, abilities, desires or whatever and really it would be almost impossible for turf to be fair without a myriad of different categories. How about a group for retired men over 60-years-old who ride yellow Brompton single speed bicycles? Guess I might get a prize as I’d likely be the only entrant.
Recently, it was suggested that there should be a bicycle event category for those of advanced years, say the over 60’s. And yes, you could do that but would that actually be fair or level the playing field? Even within that group you would have varying levels of fitness, different ages, normal bikes and electric bikes, some might have local knowledge while others might not, even choice of route or starting point will have an effect on the event outcome. Yes, I can see the situation where the comment might arise, say, when the winner is in their 20’s and comes home with mega points ahead of the nearest competitor.
Anyone in the world can play the game of turf, well, just about anyone, so long as you actually have zones where you are living. And all legal forms of transport are permitted. And I would say that it cannot really be any other way. How would you enforce people turfing under a wide range of different categories, even taking the example above, foot and bicycle, how would you stop someone riding a bicycle in the foot category? Even if you have different age groups, would you need to see birth certificates to check someone’s age? It would get silly pretty quickly.
Then there’s cheating. Someone, somewhere, will always be found to be cheating. Let’s say to prohibit electric bikes from use during a bicycle turf event. Okay, you can usually spot if a bicycle has a motor and battery, at least most of the time. But what about those hidden motors and batteries that are concealed within the frame of the bicycle? Almost totally invisible to those not in the know of bike lore. Would we have to start scrutineering bikes before an event? A step too far, I would surmise.
Mind you, the idea of pushing the boundaries of what is legal and what is not, has crossed my mind on occasion, especially when I see those young balaclava-wearing plonkers pulling wheelies on Surron-style e-bikes, which are illegal on the road here in the UK without insurance, the correct license and wearing a safety helmet. Just imagine the times you could achieve for taking 10 zones in under 10 minutes. Even one of those illegal e-scooters might also produce some amazing times.
Just a passing thought, I have no intentions along illegal lines, though there is the temptation to purchase a legal e-bike, one with an 800w battery, 120 Nm of torque and stripped down as light as possible. What times could one do on the Loanhead Ferret Run with one of those? However, I’m still not okay with buying and turfing using an e-bike while I can still manage just fine with a standard bike. In fact, I’ve gone in the opposite direction regards cycling, preferring to ride single speed rather than geared bikes. I’m still not convinced that a heavy 27kg e-bike is better than a lightweight 11kg single-speed bike. Anyway, fairness in the game of turf. Well, it is what it is.
Now, I’m always keen to observe human behaviour when out turfing, or rather in this instance, canine behaviour. I’d stopped to allow an elderly man and his dog to pass in a narrow alleyway near zone Skeltiemuir in Bonnyrigg. He was slowly shuffling along in his slippers and the impression that immediately lodged in my mind was that the dog was taking his human for a walk, rather than the other way round. I said hello to the dog in passing and it gave me such a meaningful look that said it all.
I’m almost certain that short glance would have conveyed the following: “Here I am, a rough and tumble Jack Russel terrier, bred in the art of catching and dispatching rats. I was even the champion ratter 5-years in a row back in my younger days. Yet here I am, taking this daft old bugger for a stroll. And what thanks do I get? A pat on the head, nice doggy and a dry biscuit. It’s a dog’s life, I tell you!” Back soon.
Copyright ©2026 Gary Buckham. All rights reserved.
