Turf Blog 04-03-23

Turf Zone – GraffitiZone

Having been up most of the night working away quietly in the shed, adding some motive embellishments to my faithful Swifty Air kick scooter, I was looking today to benefit from this extraordinary challenging operation. However, this was not to be. As I kick scooted my way towards Roslyn, the infinite improbability drive fell off and vanished down a rabbit burrow, the micro-warp drive huffed and puffed and was not speaking to the warp-core following a disagreement about some missing tri-lithium crystals and to finish it all, the impulse drive was impulsively doing nothing what-so-ever. I suspect my purchases must have fallen off the back of a lorry. So, it was back to biological electro-chemical power, in other words, my poor aching legs.

Today it’s all about points. Points, points and more points. Having noticed my position at the top of League 5, Group 8 and the pleasing prospect of being promoted into League 4, I was keen to add further distance between myself and my nearest challenger, SHGustaf. The gap early this morning was 23,000 points, quite possible enough, but I would not have been happy to see that vanish overnight, should my challenger do a “Fearglas”, a mammoth turfing session overnight and pip me at the post tomorrow. My target was to add another 10,000 points which, hopefully, should be enough. Or at least keep me with enough points that I could add more before the Round reset tomorrow.

Turf Zone – NoSmoking

The route I decided upon today was a clockwise circuit taking in Rosewell, Roslyn, Loanhead, Shawfair, Eskbank and back to Bonnyrigg and also following the world famous Loanhead Ferret Run along the track of the now defunct North British Railway – Edinburgh, Loanhead and Roslin Railway branch line. This circuit, I calculated, should be good for about 60 zones and a good 10,000 points.

The ground under wheel is generally good for kick scooting, though mud at various locations was to prove a problem. The problem stems from having fitted mudguards to the Swifty Air. Now, mudguards generally do what they claim to do, stop mud from splattering all over your legs, back and I’ve even had some in my hair and down the back of my neck on occasion, so they are usually worth having.

Turf Zone – PowderMill

However, the clearance between tyre and mudguard on the front wheel is minimal, far less than desirable. The result of this is it soon clogs up and at worst, eventually stops any further forward progress. At best, it presents the most annoying grating sound as you kick along. And the only way to remove the mud is to jam a stick between tyres and mudguard and spin-the-wheel. It can be quite surprising how much mud falls out. Most annoying and I wonder if I’m better off just getting dirty?

Met a few turfers on the Loanhead Ferret Run, ESOCJeneral and her son CoolEsocAds. I could see ESOCKisaKat on the turf app but she must have been was very shy today and kept well hidden behind her mum. I’m always amazed how easy it is to start chatting with fellow turfers, even though you don’t know them that well. Often, you only know their turf names and not their actual name.

Turf Zone – RoslinKirk

By the end of the session I was now around 33,000 points ahead in League 5, Group 8, and still in pole position but will need to keep an eye on turfer SHGustaf just in case he/she/they/them/etc (you cannot always tell the gender from a turf name) pulls a late-night session and takes the lead. I see a sleepless night ahead of me.

And what of all those 60 zones I took during my kick scoot? What can we say about them? Well, for starters, between zones RoslinJct and StripesZone there was, once upon a time, a rather pungent and very fluid pile of the stuff you get from the dangerous end of moo-cows. And the most fluid of this runny stuff used to flow along the track in little streams, often very difficult to avoid while cycling or kick scooting. It always reminded me of the black alien oil in the X-Files. Thankfully, the pile is no longer there. No more arriving back home and being asked what’s that smell? Have you stepped in something nasty?

Turf Zone – Witchcroft

At nearby zone KilburnWood, the green fields with playful moo-cows roaming and growing McDonalds burgers, are no more. Instead, the farmer is growing big white houses that all look alike. That’s what you get when you plant bricks.

At zone RosslynCastle, the area has been fenced off to allow repairs to Rosslyn Castle. As such the zone is not accessible from above. However, it can still be taken from below, under the archway. Unfortunately, I failed to realise this until after I carried the Swifty up those bloody steps and could not be bothered to go back down again, so I missed this one.

And a few more. At zone HopeBridge, I pose the question, why is there always horse manure on the bridge? Is it the favourite spot for the horses to drop their load? Do the horses get scared crossing the bridge and simply crap themselves? A mystery. At zone OldDalkeith, I was waved across the busy road and almost became roadkill. Luckily, I was wise to the moped speeding up on the nearside and stopped in time. I’m pretty sure the moped rider had a brown-trouser event! Back soon.

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