Turf Blog 22-02-24

Turf Zone – PoliceField

In the beginning, just after the first Great Scone of Creation came into being, it is said there was Nothing… which then exploded. This was called The Big Bang. After that came Everything. This is a strange theory made up my clever folk with brains the size of small planets, or should that be the size of peanuts? Imagine that at your annual appraisal. And what do you do this year, Professor Peanut? I discovered Nothing and The Big Bang. And what about the Great Scone of Creation? Oh, that’s just a fairy tale.

Personally, I think Everything came after The Word, or more likely The Words. Some say the Supreme Being said “Let there be life.” And there was life. Others say the Supreme Being said “Igor, run that computer program I wrote called The Matrix.” A much more plausible theory. I have my own theory as to what The Words might have been. “Oh bugger, what have I done?” Pretty sure that’s the One.

And there’s another word that came to mind suddenly this morning. This blasphemous word uttered from my lips as I was visiting the bathroom, actually arising from the throne. There are around 600 muscles in the human body, many of them get involved with siting up. Now, imagine the scene in your mind’s eye.

I’ve just had a shower and have completed the “unmentionable” stuff and I’m about to stand up. Mr Brain gets on the mobile phone and sends texts to all the muscles required to get me standing. Unfortunately, one of them, probably Mr External Oblique or one of his neighbours, had the mobile switched off and did not get the message, and I find myself on the floor in agony, wonder what the f*ck happened. Muscles eh!

One aspect of hunting down isolated unique zones, that’s single new zones that have been created in areas where I’ve taken all the other zones previously, and also seeking out turfer uniques, is that you have the opportunity to follow different routes and explore new areas. For example, the other day I noticed a cluster of new turfer uniques had appeared in the Monktonhall area east of Edinburgh, turfer MitchRapp. So, that was my first target of the session. I find it quite refreshing to simply aim for those zones, taking a few zones along the way but not bothering much about zones even slightly off the route. And you sometimes come across these hidden wee lanes, for example, a path called Double Dykes that runs from Inveresk to the Pinkie area of Musselburgh.

A good location for hunting down turfer unique zones is Edinburgh city centre and surrounding areas. Zones here seem to change hands quite often which is both good and bad. Good in that they change hands often and offer you the opportunity to add a few more turfer uniques to the tally. Bad, in that they change hands often and that opportunity can be fleeting.

In any case, kick scooting on the Swifty Air this morning, managed to add another five turfer uniques, FeGran, 1dan, kcal, lenlen360 and HedwigOwls. Turfer kcal was in Waverley Railway station where I ran afoul of the anti-kick-scooting police and was asked, ever so politely, not to ride my “bike” in the station. I’ve emailed the Scottish Police College at Tulliallan and asked them in add kick scooter identification to the syllabus. And at the Botanic Gardens this morning, unpleasant jobsworth grumpy bar-steward gentleman behind wee window at east entrance would not even let me walk the scooter to zone GardenCenter. And it’s only a few meters away! Most annoyed! Back soon.

Copyright ©2024 Gary Buckham. All rights reserved.

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