Turf Blog 15-06-23

Turf Zone – MillHolm

One might think, that after 30 months turfing, one would get used to losing large numbers of zones to another turfer, who goes by the name of, well just let’s say in fairness, They-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. You switch the turf app on and see a zillion zones lost. You know what I mean? Only 2 zones left to my name. Feck! Feck! Feck!

I must say, and I know I shouldn’t feel this way, that I find this somewhat annoying. And it’s only They-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named that gets me riled up this way. I don’t feel the same about any other turfer. Yes, it’s all part of the game and each and every zone is there to all turfers for the taking thereof. And yes, I can easily take them all back again. That’s what turf is all about.

Now, I suspect the reason behind my annoyance is that They-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named rides a souped-up-turbo-charged e-bike with added warp drive, secondary Di-lithium crystal Nano-engine and an infinite improbability drive as well. Okay, an e-bike is a perfectly legal form of transport under Turf Law but I’m not sure that an infinite improbability drive is fair play.

Turf Law states that “all legal means of transport are allowed.” And that includes legal e-bikes. Personally, I would re-word that statement to say “all legal means of non-assisted transport are allowed.” In other words, you have to take zones under your own steam, using your own muscle power. Of course, with the exception of mobility scooters and the like. So, no e-scooters, e-skateboards or whatever. Just stuff you make go yourself.

It won’t make turf any fairer, any more than a turfer riding a bike with 33 gears is any fairer than me riding my Harley Quinn single speed bike. Or a retired turfer against a turfer working full-time with two screaming sticky wains and a young Pugley puppy that piddles on the carpet. Such is life. Anyway, rant over, on with other things.

The very first Scottish Open Turf Championship, which takes place in Edinburgh, Scotland on the 30th September 2023 and has events for both bike and foot. I’ve created a separate page with a link on the home page on Planet Gary where I’ll include any information about the event as and when it becomes available. Looking forward to that. Must remember to ask which category I’ll be in should I decide to take my kick scooter. And I guess that might be an issue. It’s not really a bicycle and it’s not really on foot, sort of in-between. Perhaps there should be a separate event for kick scooters. Mind you, there would probably only be two entrants, myself and MuttsCycles. Oh, it’s okay, I’m only jesting. I’ll be taking my single speed bike, Harley Quinn.

Speaking of single speed bikes. I’ve been looking at reducing the weight of the Harley Quinn down below that 10.00kg target weight. At the moment, she weighs 11.90kg, lighter tyres will reduce that to 10.90kg but getting that lower is expensive. A set of carbon wheels would be the most weight effective option. Cost is about £900, which is rather a lot, but would get that weight down to 10.10kg. Just about there. Dear Santa…

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