Welcome to the first ever Turf Scotland Advent Calendar 2023, devilishly devised and craftily created by the inhabitants of Planet Gary for turfers anywhere in the Multiverse to try their hand at, pull their hair out and scream with frustration. Please read the notes below thoroughly before competing. Yes, that means you! And remember, try not to get too serious, though I know some of you will find that exceedingly difficult. Just enjoy attempting the various tasks, don’t worry about rules and regulations or correct interpretations. It’s all flexible and meant to be fun. Good luck.
Turf Scotland Advent Calendar 2023
Bonus Task – 25/26th December – Photo Shoot
This optional bonus task has been included to give you a legitimate excuse to escape the chaos and mayhem of Christmas Day or Boxing Day, shed a few calories and lose that hangover.
Take any 3 zones and take a selfie at each. The zones should be meaningful to you, for example, your first ever zone, favourite zone or least favourite zone, zone with a view, anything, you decide.
Optional: include your favourite turf companion if you have one, i.e. Shaun the Sheep or the like. Share on the WhatsApp group.
Task No. 24 – 24th December – Turfabetical
Easy Option
Starting with the letter A, take 5 or more zones in alphabetical order using the first character of the zone name. For example, A7View, Bonnyrigg, CatSchool, DalkeithHigh, EquinoxZone, etc.
Challenging Option
As described in, and in addition to Easy, take zones to complete the remaining letters of the alphabet.
Note: finishing date for tasks extended to 30th December.
Task No. 23 – 23rd December – Zone Observation
This task is to test your powers of observation while turfing. Listed below are various everyday items. Your task is to observe these items while taking a zone. You should take as few zones as possible.
Easy Option – any 10 items from the list.
Challenging Option – all listed items.
Member of the crow family.
An electric bicycle.
A four-wheel drive vehicle.
Plastic rubbish bin.
Cast iron manhole cover.
Fruit or vegetables for sale.
Motorcycle or scooter.
A nice neat shrubbery.
Mobile phone mast.
Christmas tree or Santa.
Street furniture or bench.
A button that operates something.
Lovely flowers in bloom.
Graffiti or street art.
Dog wearing doggy coat.
20 or 30 mph speed limit sign.
Discarded water bottle.
Paving blocks or slabs.
Tree with red berries.
Something pink or purple.
A sculpture or art work.
Some chocolate or cake.
A feral or woodpigeon.
A planet or the moon.
A table and some chairs
Some interesting clouds.
A triangular object.
A cute cuddly toy.
A wild or farm animal.
Sign indicating a footpath.
Task No. 22 – 22nd December – Top Trumps Zones
Easy Option
Take a zone of your choice. Add the points value of the zone to the total number of characters in the zone name. For example, zone OkayThen has 170 points and 8 characters, which gives you a combined value of 178. Then take further zones where each trumps, or has a higher combined value, than the first zone taken. Take 10 zones in total.
Challenging Option
In addition to Easy, take a zone of your choice. Then, as described in Easy, add the points value of the zone to the total number of characters in the zone name. Then take further zones that do not trump, or have a lower combined value, than the first zone taken in this task. Take 10 zones in total.
Task No. 21 – 21nd December – Turf Hunt
Easy Option
Take 10 zones where the zone name, or part thereof, is associated with the theme of movie titles.
Challenging Option
As described in, and in addition to Easy, take another 10 zones for the theme of actors of stage and screen.
Zones may be used more than once.
Task No. 20 – 20th December – Urban Turfing
Easy Option
Take any 5 zones that meet the following criteria. One zone for each.
- Beside a pedestrian crossing.
- On an unsurfaced footpath or trail.
- Where you can see traffic lights.
- On or near a pedestrian bridge.
- In sight of a street or town sign.
Challenging Option
In addition to Easy, take 10 different zones that meet the following criteria. One zone for each.
- In sight of a No Entry sign.
- Near a tower or similar structure.
- Where you can see 10 vehicles parked.
- In sight of a supermarket delivery vehicle.
- Beside a place of worship or prayer.
- In sight of a fast-food establishment.
- Where medical care might be given.
- Beside a place of learning or education.
- Anything associated with law and order.
- Where any team sport is played.
Task No. 19 – 19th December – Turf Minutes
Easy Option
This task is based in the Ghost Minute where you take a Holy zone during the minute after midnight. Task No. 19 is to complete 5 turf minutes in a row, each 5 minutes apart. For example, if your first turf minute is between 10:00 and 10:01, the next turf minute would be 5 minutes later between 10:06 and 10:07, and so on. Do not take any other zones between your turf minutes. Your first and last zones must have an attribute.
Challenging Option
In addition to, immediately after, and as described in Easy, complete another 5 turf minutes. Simply, 10 turf minutes in total, each 5 minutes apart. In this option your attribute zones would be the first zone in the Easy Option and your last zone.
Bonus entry in the prize draw if you take any attribute zone one minute after midnight.
Task No. 18 – 18th December – Turf Shopping
Easy Option
Your task is to select and take any 5 zones where the zone name includes something that can be purchased in a typical supermarket such as Tesco, Morrisons, Aldi, Sainsbury’s or the like. One item per zone. Foreign or other language equivalents acceptable.
Challenging Option
As described in, and in addition to Easy, take another 5 zones where the zone name includes something that cannot be purchased in a supermarket.
Bonus entry in the prize draw if you can find scone or scones in the zone name.
Task No. 17 – 17th December – The Turfinator
Easy Option
You are the Turfinator, a highly efficient cybernetic poly-mimetic alloy turfing machine from the future. You don’t feel pity or remorse for other turfers you deliberately block or ghost. You have no fear or conscience, do not sleep or rest, stop to eat food or drink, sprinkle the ivory, plop the poop, or bathe or take showers, and will turf anywhere, in any weather, at any time of day or night and absolutely will not stop, ever, until your turf mission is complete and your target has been turfinated. You, yes you, are the Turfinator.
You have been sent back in time by TurfNet to turfinate an annoying turfer who asked the wrong question. This question starts a chain of unfortunate quantum events in the fabric of space-time opening up a fracture eventually leading to a world-wide shortage of fruit scones and Kit-Kats, followed by Turf being banned on paid of, well, pain, throughout the Multiverse. You do not know the identity of this turfer, as records were destroyed during the Turf Wars, therefor your programming requires you to hunt down and take 5 zones each zone being held by a different turfer.
Challenging Option
In addition to, and as described in Easy, take another 5 zones. Each zone must be held by a different turfer from those taken in Easy.
Task No. 16 – 16th December – You Can Not Be Serious?
Easy(ish) Option
Take any 5 zones of your choice and “during the take time” you are required to observe the following:
Any species of domestic doggie or moggie.
A wheeled device without a motor.
Any species of flying thing with feathers.
Any person not carrying anything.
A vehicle carrying at least 4 humans.
One zone for each. Photos optional but sharing is welcome.
Challenging Option
In addition to, and as described in Easy, take a further 5 zones while observing the following:
Any aerial object that is not a bird or plane.
A building where Kit-Kats may be bought.
Something that shows your own reflection.
Any sign that gives a mandatory instruction.
Anyone with fluorescent or reflective clothing.
Task No. 15 – 15th December – Turf Criteria
Easy Option
Select any two of the criteria below, then take 5 zones for each. For example, take five zones each with an animal, bird, etc, in the zone name. Zones can only be used once.
Four vowels in the zone name.
A points value of 185/+1 points.
A 13-character zone name.
An animal, bird, etc, in the zone name.
Challenging Option
In addition to, and as described in Easy, take 5 zones for the two remaining listed criteria. 20 different zones in total.
Task No. 14 – 14th December – Turfopoly
Easy Option
You have been caught ghosting, deliberately switching your GPS off while turfing to annoy other turfers, and desperately need £1000 to pay the fine imposed by the Turf Lords. Collect the money by taking zones that contain the following words (or other language equivalent) in their name:
Zone – £25, Garden – £50, Park – £100, Walk – £75, Lane – £150, Bridge – £30, Square – £50, Farm – £250, Hill – £200 and Golf – £250
Abbreviations are also acceptable. For example, Sq for Square, Pk for Park, etc. And should you find a zone similar to, ParkHillFarmZone, all four would count.
Challenging Option
As described in, and in addition to Easy, you were out turfing too long and did not pay the fine on time. The fine has now doubled and you need another £1000. The Turf Police now have your name and are looking for you. Any additional money collected is yours to keep.
Task No. 13 – 13th December – Save The Planet
Easy Option
Planet Earth is due to be destroyed by the Vogons to facilitate an intergalactic highway construction project for a hyperspace by-pass funded by the SNP. So, this is your last chance to go turfing. However, there may be a reprise as Vogons are the third worst poets in the Galaxy but can be easily bribed with excruciatingly bad poetry.
You mission therefor, is to take any number of zones and incorporate the words/letters of the zone names into 4 or more lines of excruciatingly bad Vogon poetry. It is permissible to add a few word/letters here and there. Example of Vogon poetry below.
“Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes,
And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts
With my blurglecruncheon, see if I don’t!”
As you can see, the more excruciating it is the better the bribe we will have. Your excruciatingly bad Vogon poetry should be posted on the Turf Scotland WhatsApp group for all to see or emailed to advent@planetgary.org.uk. Questions should be addressed to Captain Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz.
Challenging Option
As described in, and in addition to Easy, you are required to bring your excruciatingly bad Vogon poetry up to 8 or more lines.
Task No. 12 – 12th December – Turfomino
Easy Option
You are required to take 5 zones in total. The last letter of the first zone taken should match the first letter of the next zone taken, and so on. For example: Kippielaw – WhichKing – GeorgeWarMem, etc. However, for added fun and/or frustration, zones starting or ending the letters T, U, R or F, should not be used. Task should be completed in a single session. No time limit.
Challenging Option
As described in, and additional too Easy, take a further 5 zones. Should be completed in a single session.
Task No. 11 – 11th December – Turf Gear
Easy Option
Take any 5 zones that meet each of the following criteria. One zone for each.
- Where you can see a white van.
- That cannot be reached by a motor vehicle.
- Where there are no motor vehicles in sight.
- That can be taken from inside motor vehicle.
- Where you can see a public service vehicle.
Challenging Option
In addition to Easy, take another 5 zones that meet each of the following criteria. One zone for each.
- Where you can see 5 or more motor vehicles.
- In sight of an emergency services vehicle.
- Where 3 motor vehicles are parked together.
- Where you can see a heavy goods vehicle.
- In sight of a bicycle other than your own.
Task No. 10 – 10th December – Precision Turfing
Easy Option
Take any 5 zones between the hours of 11.01 am and 12.01 pm including one Holy zone which should be taken between 12.00 noon and 12.01 pm, as in a Ghost Minute.
You must also take any 5 zones between 5.01 pm and 6.01 pm including one train station zone. The train station zone should be taken between 6.00 pm and 6.01 pm. In other words, a Ghost Train Minute. 10 zones in total.
Challenging Option
In addition to the above Easy Option, take any 5 zones between the hours of 11.01 pm and 12.01 am including one Holy zone which should be taken between 12.00 midnight and 12.01 am, in other words, a real Ghost Minute. You get a turf medal for this is you don’t already have one.
You must also take any 5 zones between 5.01 am and 6.01 am including one train station zone. The train station zone should be taken between 6.00 am and 6.01 am. In other words, a Ghost Train Minute. 20 zones in total.
Task No. 9 – 9th December – Roman Turf
Easiest Peasiest Option
Turfus Dickus Maximus is a rather dodgy Roman Quarter Master who drives an aging rusty yellow “Reliantus Robinus” one-horse chariot and want to upgrade to the latest four horse-power “Fastus Fuckus” model but lacks sufficient funds and desperately needs your help. Please help him collect at least 10000 Denarius which can obtained by taking zones with Roman numerals in the zone names. For example, zone CramondFort would give C, M and D = 1600 Denarius.
Tuffust Option
As described in Easy but collect at least 20000 Denarius to allow him to upgrade his chariot and take his wife, the sweet and lovely Mrs Talkus Maximus, for a swanky meal (it’s a very expensive restaurant!). Completing this option also gives you the Easy Option.
Roman letter values: I = 1, V = 5, X = 10, L = 50, C = 100, D = 500, M = 1000
Good luck and may the zones be with you.
Task No. 8 – 8th December – Game of Fives
Easy Option
First take any 5 zones without attributes, then take 5 zones with any attribute.
Challenging Option
First take any 5 zones without attributes, then take 5 zones with any attribute, then complete 5 revisits and finally carry out 5 assists.
Zones should be taken in order noted above. You may substitute 5 assists with taking 5 Neutral zones if assists are not possible. Afterwards, and for extra entries in both the Easy and Challenge prize draws, take 5 Round Unique zones.
Task No. 7 – 7th December – Animated Turfing
Easy Option
Take any number of zones and use the characters in the zone names to create the name of either of the following well-known animated characters:
- Wallace and Gromit.
- Shaun the Sheep.
Challenging Option
As Easy but complete either of the following film titles:
- Wallace and Gromit The Curse of the Were Rabbit.
- Shaun the Sheep A Flight Before Christmas.
Completing this option also gives you the Easy Option. No rules, no zone restrictions, no time limits, no questions. Anyone who posts a question on this task will be banned.
Task No 6 – 6th December – Turfomathics
Easy Option
Select a zone of your choice. Add the points value of the zone to the total number of characters in the zone name. For example, zone HappyHibby has 170 points, plus 10 characters which gives you a combined value of 180.
The task is to take 5 zones, with each zone having exactly the same combined value as the zone selected above. Should be completed in a single session lasting no more than 30 minutes.
Challenging Option
As Easy but take 10 zones. Should be completed in a single session lasting no more than 60 minutes. Completing this option also gives you the Easy Option.
Task No. 5 – 5th December – Attributes Only
Easy Option
This task should be simple enough in that you only have to take 5 zones, however, they should have an attribute, e.g., Bridge, Holy, etc. The task should be completed in one session up to a maximum of 60-minutes duration.
Challenging Option
In addition to Easy, take another 5 different zones with any attribute. As this is the Challenging Option, the task should be completed in one session up to a maximum of 45-minutes duration.
The UrbanGeeks map tag filter is useful to show which zones have attributes. Selecting MATCH ANY helps show multiple attribute types. You can also use turf.lundkvist.com to identify attribute zones.
Task No. 4 – 4th December – Turfabble
Easy Option
You will either love or hate this one. You are required to take exactly 10 zones and collect exactly 200 Turfabble points where each letter in the zone name has the same points value as the letters found in the Scrabble board game. For example, zone FatBikePath would give you 4+1+1+3+1+5+1+3+1+1+4 = 25 Turfabble points. Numbers in zone names should be ignored.
Point/letter values:
1 point – A, E, I, O, U, L, N, S, T, R.
2 points – D, G.
3 points – B, C, M, P.
4 points – F, H, V, W, Y.
5 points – K.
8 points – J, X.
10 points – Q, Z.
Challenging Option
As Easy but take exactly 20 zones and collect exactly 400 Turfabble points.
Task No. 3 – 3rd December – Turf Trek
Easy Option
Captains log, star date: 77387.4 The Romulan Empire has started to invade space protected by the Turf Federation. Your mission, as a member of Turf Fleet, which you have no choice but to accept, is to boldly turf where no turfer has turfed before and crew the USS Turfo into the Alpha Quadrant, there, to liberate at least 15 Neutral Zones.
You should only liberate Neutral Zones during the mission, visiting any other zones will result in you being arrested and court martialled. Phasers should be set to stun. Once your mission is over you may have some tea, Earl Grey, hot. Resistance is futile as you have already been assimilated.
Challenging Option
As Easy, but liberate at least 30 Neutral Zones.
Task No. 2 – 2nd December – Turfing Bad
This task was inspired by the titles of TV series Breaking Bad and requires you to build a meth lab in your kitchen and brew up some methamphetamine. Oh, don’t worry, only joking. Task as follows:
Easy Option
Collect at least 500 points by taking zones that contain 2-character periodic element symbols in their zone name. The points value equals the atomic number of the element. These can be found in Periodic Tables. For example, zone Eskbank would give you: Es (Einsteinium, atomic number 99) and Ba (Barium, atomic number 56). Note: 2-character periodic element symbols only.
Challenging Option
As Easy but collect 1000 points.
Task No. 1 – 1st December – Compass Turf
Easy Option
Select a suitable starting or base zone and take that zone, then take 4 zones that are at least 500m away, as the crow flies. The first zone should be to the north, the next to the south, then to the east and finally to the west. The map on turf.urbangeeks.org can be used to check the distances between zones.
Challenging Option
In addition to Easy, take another 4 zones at least 1000m away from the starting or base zone. Again, the first to the north, the next to the south, then to the east and finally to the west.
Each daily task will be posted here, on this page, the evening before the task is due to be completed. However, here’s a few clues to what the 24 tasks will be. Note may be subject to change.
Compass Turf, Turfing Bad, Turf Trek, Turfabble, Attributes Only, Turfomathics, Animated Turfing, Game of Five, Roman Turf, Turf Torture, Turf Gear, Turfomino, Urban Zones, Turf Criteria, Water World, Turfopoly, Turfinator, Turf Minutes, Turf Traffic, All Terrain Turfing, Turfography, Top Turfs, Turfometry and Turfy Christmas.
Notes
- The Turf Scotland Advent Calendar runs from 1st to 24th December.
- The calendar is open to all Turfers anywhere and everywhere.
- No need to register or ask to take part. Just get on with it.
- The tasks in both Easy and Challenging are not specific to Scotland.
- You can choose the Easy Option or the Challenging Option or do both.
- The Easy Option may not be particularly easy for some turfers.
- The Challenging Option may be just that, challenging. Sometimes very.
- Assists and revisits are allowed in both Easy and Challenging tasks.
- There are 24 different tasks to be completed, one for each day of the calendar.
- Tasks should be completed on the same day but no worries if not.
- There is also an optional Bonus Task for escaping the mayhem on Christmas Day.
- Details will be posted on Planet Gary each evening for the following days task.
- Details will also be posted on the Turf Scotland WhatsApp group.
- All daily tasks will remain together on this page for easy reference.
- Bribes of Kits-Kats, home-made fruit scones and chocolate cake accepted.
- Any questions, post on the Turf Scotland WhatsApp group or contact as below.
Prize Draw
- There will be a prize draw for both Easy and Challenging options.
- You need to complete at least 20 tasks in either category to enter.
- You can enter for the Easy Option or Challenging Option or both.
- The winner of the Easy Option will receive a custom-built monster truck.
- The winner of the Challenging Option will receive a Nissan Skyline GT-R.
- To enter in the prize draw email your turf username to advent@planetgary.org.uk.
- Please state which option(s) you have completed, Easy, Challenging, or both.
- Closing date for entries is 12 noon on 30th December when the draw will take place.
- Winners will be drawn from a hat and checked they have made a good effort.
- Verified winners will be contacted to arrange delivery of the prizes.
- Prizes require assembly. Contact any child aged 9+ for assistance, if required.
- The Bonus Task, both Easy and Challenging, is not required for the Prize Draw.
- No cash prize alternative is available.
Contact details
- contact form on Planet Gary
- email: advent@planetgary.org.uk
Should you wish to be added to the Turf Scotland WhatsApp group, please get in touch with me as noted above and I’ll make a request to the group administrator. I will need your mobile phone number, email address and turf name for this.
P.S. The prizes are real but not real vehicles you can drive on the road.
Copyright ©2023 Gary Buckham. All rights reserved.
